Why does my survival depend on constantly pushing the edge spiritually

I keep having to explain myself to others! So I decided to do a note on this subject!
I do not have any means to make a living in this world by normal means because I am “differently abled” with limited visual memory(ability to keep track of things), and limited finer motor skills(which make me tire quickly when doing things requiring them to quite a degree)! Most work requires a visual memory good enough to provide one with a visual idea of what one should be doing! Without the right ability to visualize one will feel lost in a lot of environments when it comes to how to normally respond to it! I am good at creatively responding to situations since I have to do this an awful lot! This creativity I use as compensation for my lack of normal visual memory and ability does help me develop new stuff spiritually! I am also really good at dealing with simple structural visuals which is useful when developing spiritual theories! I just do not have a lot of distractions in my mind that having a lot of visual memories to deal with and respond to creates! I just am very complicated in how my body and mind operates, but I am very skilled in the spiritual especially and function best when in a crisis state which is natural when one is so often put in one by circumstances! My body and mind limitations are naturally in harmony with the type of spirit I am! I do find that a lot of people are not capable or willing to understand a spirit as different as mine! That is what motivates me to challenge people who conform to the spiritual beliefs that predominate or in fashion on this planet and are inadequate.
Here is a link to my facebook profile page which has links to my other spiritual stuff on the internet:

A healthy ego is so valuable to a spiritual pioneer like me

My self preservation requires I become better at what I am really good at which is in the area of spiritual development! My ego is heavily invested in this! To be good in this area one has to be really good at dealing with and embracing change! Nothing wrong with believing strongly in ones self! The word ego is often defined based on what one believes! The definition has to evolve as one evolves. There are different definitions of this word that are accepted! I am not into just being tuned into the spiritual beliefs/theories that are so readily available on this planet Earth that one can so easily just accept them without challenging them provided ones ego is removed! To develop better spiritual ideas to this world one must have an ego strong enough to enable one to go up against the spiritual status quo and its psychic dominance in this world!

Have close to 90 videos on a various subjects from a spiritually innovative perspective that need to get more public exposure.

I have had an extreme spiritual focus most of my life, since I am not very capable in any other area.  My survival on this planet has demanded that I focus with everything I got at continuously improving spiritually!  Necessity if often the mother of invention!  Living life on the edge can sharpen ones spiritual senses and motivate one to do what it takes to improve ones spiritual theories and meditative exercise techniques as well as nutrition so that one will develop the fined tuned  intuition required to keep one progressing and avoiding serious trouble and resultant setbacks.  I was born differently able with visual memory and finer nerve limitations that made me able to be really capable in a very unique way that enabled me to not only develop new spiritual theories and training techniques, but a new astrology system.  My spiritual approach is all about improving how we are able to perform spiritual as front line spirits in a physical world that badly needs us to better contribute to improving on the conditions that exist there.  I strongly feel we live in a world that is quite backward spiritually considering the serious challenges that exist in our modern highly technological age.  I understand that most people are pretty well set in their ways spiritually and uncomfortable venturing into anything that will challenge what they were taught to believe and often had programmed into them early in life.  But, I can only reach those that are really searching for better, more reasonable spiritual answers and willing to experiment with and evaluate that which is different from anything they are familiar with.  I have many spiritually focus blog posts here on wordpress that you can explore and here is the link to the YouTube videos My very spiritual  business partner Michelle Ronquillo and I have created:


Wild spiritual experiences vs reality based ones

I avoid a lot of posts on spiritual sites about spiritual experience that people explain they are having that do not easily fit into the realistic way I envision the spiritual actually works.. The imagination can often go wild and misinterpret what is actually happening to someone. I do believe there exists a spiritual/emotional center in the brain that one can refer to as the “third eye” with the pineal gland playing a role in. I do believe that since we all are spirits we all are connected spiritually to others spirits to some degree on the spiritual level with the spiritual parts of our brain playing a key role.

I am programmed with spiritual theories that give me a very practical spiritual focus that is useful in the real world I exist in right now. I do not have spiritual beliefs/theories that allow my imagination to distort my spiritual perspective that much. This is because I made an effort to make myself that way with my reality based spiritual training. Of course we all are always connected spiritually to some degree since we need to be so in order to function well as the social being we are. If we lost this spiritual connection, we would cease to exist as a spirit and our body needs an operating spirit in order to exist. Some sociopaths have very distorted spirits, but still have spirits and can cause a lot of trouble as a result.

No higher life form is without a spirit with quite a bit of development so as to be able to relate emotionally with others especially of their own species. There exists these invisible connection between individuals and we also have a connection to our own body that can be maintained even when we project our spirit to quite a degree outside of oneself. Our body is very vulnerable when it has a lot of its spirit projected somewhere else. But, I find that the spirit can quickly return to its body when needed. I feel that one can learn a lot about how the spirit behaves by studying one dreams(while asleep). When one meditates one can go into dream-like states in which the subconscious mind will attempt to interpret what is actually happening spiritually to you. But in any dream-like state, one spiritual beliefs/theories will have to help the subconscious translate what is happening into dream/symbolic language. The accuracy of this interpretation will be limited to how well ones spiritual theories connect one to reality.

Those who have experienced life really intensely and have as a result gotten a really strong dose of reality, will tend to have dreams that are more aligned with reality and of practical value as a result. Those who are less realistic and willing to accept wild beliefs and a wild imagination needed to support those beliefs will have dreams or visions(often appearing quite real)that do not interface with reality well and are to me quite removed from how the spiritual actually works. We all are constantly learning lessons, and to me it is so important to have spiritual beliefs/theories that help us to function well spiritually in the physical world we now exist in. It is not safe to have ones spirit be affected by spiritual visions that weakens ones ability to be really strongly connected to the physical reality we exist in and that requires we act responsibly and maintain a high level of vigilance most of the time. One can get into a lot of trouble if one does not know what one is doing spiritually. Having strong survival energy is so important when one deal with the spiritual on a really intense level. One can get into a lot of serious trouble if one is not careful what one is doing spiritually!!

I have gotten really sick a number of times and also had near death experiences(1992) as a result of not knowing enough of what I was doing spiritually in the past. My strong survival energy and never give up approach helped me to survive and become really good at avoiding really serious trouble in the future. I have always taken the spiritual very seriously and that is why I believe I survived. My really intense spiritual focus enables me to get away with a lot that would not be safe for others to deal with. I was born really good in this area, and had to be to survive in this world. Necessity is often the mother of invention, and I feel like that is why I am good at what I do.

A very important link to my various meditation techniques:



I am very serious and intense for good reason!

I tend to respond to everything seriously. Although I do sense the humor in things. I am very much a stoic and tend to focus very much on a survival level, since that is what makes me really effective spiritually, which I require in order to maintain a presence in this world and continue with my purpose. I push the edge everyday, so this make me very tough and serious spiritually, which I require to survive and work hard to straighten out this world spiritually.

I am preparing to get a website ready to reach people with the type of very tough and effective spirituality that I feel this world badly needs. The success of the website is dependent on me having something to offer that the world really needs to deal with the serious issues that exist here. The website keeps being delayed, so I am always trying to get even stronger so as to feed more energy into helping the people working on it to finish their job.

My life(living conditions) always has challenges in the present that remind me how I must always stay vigilant and maintain an intensely sober attitude. I meditate to keep things in my life from falling apart and to make the needed progress to keep my mission and survival in this world continuing.

The spiritual is powered by passion and I need to have the type of serious passion that will make a difference in this world while I present advanced spiritual training techniques and the theories that must come with them to a world that is quite backward spiritually when it comes being able to handle the problems of a technologically(scientifically)advanced age. I survived the 65 years on this planet because of my strong purpose that goes beyond just myself spiritually. I had to develop myself spiritually in order to do something to straighten out a world that I personally felt the spiritual inadequacies that exist here.

Here is a link to my bog post on meditative walking that also deals with other forms of effective meditation: https://astrogoodwin.wordpress.com/2016/10/04/medi…

Why have I had so much time in my life to focus extremely hard creatively on the spiritual?

I tried hard to find a way to fit into the job market, but was unable to due to my visual memory and finer motor skills limitations. I did manage to survive due to family help, but felt I had to be extremely frugal and purposeful, and work harder in the area(the spiritual) that I have a lot of ability in. I always saw(I believe for very real reasons) my life as one continuous crisis and still do. I felt like I had to work harder than anyone else, so that I would have the spiritual strength to do things others would not be capable of doing. I wanted to be in a position that I had the strength of spiritual character(and intense enough connection with reality) to over power the energy of those who would question how much effort I put in to being successful in life.

I have had to push myself extremely hard all of my life, since I felt I had no other choice in order to survive in a world that is extremely rough on very unique “differently abled” individuals like me. What a lot of people find not very difficult to do in this modern world, I find really difficult. But, I found that I could handle better what other found really hard to deal with in the spiritual/emotional area, and saw this as a very useful advantage I had. So, I decided to apply as hard a level of difficulty to developing myself and my spiritual theories and techniques as I could possibly do.

The type of spiritual training I developed and do is more advanced and difficult than anything available out there is this world right now. Why do I believe this is true? Because I put an extreme amount of effort in developing and testing these training techniques(especially in the past 3 decades of my life) along with developing spiritual theories using the development of a new astrology system based on them to force me to develop them further. My astrology system was needed to tune me in spiritually so that I would have the self awareness and spiritual awareness to handle the most extreme and difficult of spiritual/emotional states in a way that could enable to direct even the roughest spiritual/emotional energy in a positive/constructive direction toward bringing more positive spiritual/physical results to a world that has so many serious problems rooted in the spiritual that need people motivated by really strong spiritual purpose to tackle and find adequate remedies for.

Here is my very useful blog post on meditative walking which is an extremely effective spiritual training technique: https://astrogoodwin.wordpress.com/……

Personal thoughts related to the struggle to survive and violence

Living a life full of complications and difficulties is what I am use to! One has to make the most of the cards life deals you. I am lucky in that my life has always been extremely difficult and complicated and I have adjusted to it. The more one can handle in the area of challenge and difficulty the more one can achieve in life. One can become really strong spiritually as a result of what you go through and be able to have a lot of positive impact on others as a result. When one has lived on a survival level for an extremely long time you will not let anyone get away with anything that threatens your well being. You will not let others add unnecessary burden to your situation, and you will be readily able to give people the hard truth and force them to have to mobilize their own survival energy rather than trying to get you to make things easier on them. Life is meant to be very challenging and to bring out the most in the human spirit.

I am nonviolent. I would try really hard not do anything to put me in jail. The conditions in jail would hurt my physical and spiritual well being. I could not be on my special diet in jail. It would not be a safe environment for me. I use the spiritual to reach people and am really good at reaching people with more of the hard spiritual truth using the power of my voice and with the type of passion that can have a lot of impact on them. I can readily scare away the wrong people and find a way to reach those who are trying to improve themselves spiritually. I have been threatened with violence a number of times when I have become really intense with people spiritually who were not open to the value of what I have to offer, but have never been hurt as a result. Being really strong and aware spiritually can keep one safe in a world full of people who are prone to using violence to push people around.

Here is my very important blog post on meditative walking:    https://astrogoodwin.wordpress.com/2016/10/04/meditative-walking-developing-a-stronger-spiritual-connection-with-the-physical/

The type of dumbbell swings I do, how they train the body, and their physical-spiritual purpose

This note was in response to questions a person posed to me on a spiritual site.

This exercise does not create large muscles which is why I weigh only 125 lbs at 5′ 10″ tall.  It is mainly a cardiovascular exercise helping my heart and circulation to be really in top form.  When I take the dumbbell behind my head/neck, and then lift it back over, I do use my triceps.  I started doing this when I had been doing a pushup challenge, and decided it was better just to extend my dumbbell swing to behind my head instead.  It is complicated, but this change in my dumbbell swings made them even better at putting me in extremely intense and difficult physical/spiritual states which is why I do them.

The type of modified dumbbell swing exercise that I do is mainly an endurance exercise.  It does keep a lot of muscles well toned!  It does use the neck muscles above the shoulders a lot, which I believe is very valuable since these muscles are so close to the brain.  I use these neck muscles as a focal point when doing my meditative runs and walks, and even use them a lot with my stretching exercises. I do believe the development of the spiritual parts of the brain related to emotion and sleep are essential to one spiritual strength and awareness.  I do tend to focus on these parts of my brain when meditating and exercising.  My lower back has hurt at times, but I just have to regularly stretch my back(especially when doing my meditative walks) in order to prevent muscle tightness there which I believe causes the problem.

A lot of people my age and even younger tend to have a lot of aches and pains.  I am doing very well keeping myself extremely healthy physically and spiritually and avoiding any injuries that could harm my progress in this area.  I am good at this because I have had an extreme spiritual focus on health and fitness my whole life and have become really tuned into my body and can read it really well as a result.  I will not go into the reasons for my extreme motivations in this area and why I feel I do things that others would be unwilling or unable to do because they would see no reason to do it based on their beliefs, and the fact that they can survive well enough to meet their spiritual/physical needs without having to deal with the extreme emotional/spiritual duress involves in developing and performing such exercises!

1/25/17 I deepened the squat to these modified(bent elbows and behind head) 2 handed dumbbell swings so that they would take a little longer so that I could breath in and 15 times during the whole 6 minutes.  I need a huge amount of spiritual intensity to reach a world that is so backward spiritually and so stuck in its ways!

  • 10/03/17  Now doing the squat a lot deeper bringing the 20 lb dumbbell close to my knees with my head also brought down at the lower part of the swing to be very close to the dumbbell also with my elbows very bent while at this lowest position.  My head does follow the dumbbell up as it rises and then is lifted over the head and behind it.  I may seem like quite a convoluted form of dumbbell swing, but it works well to put me into the most intense of spiritual states possible!  I now do 19 to 21 in and out breaths per dumbbell swing.  Extremely hard exercise to do which I can only do as a result of all my previous exercise training, my spiritual theories(astrology system) that help me tune my body in really well  spiritually, my other meditative training techniques, and my diet!

Why as a spiritual pioneer I must train so extremely hard spiritually

I survive due to my hard spiritual training. My position is weak on this planet, has been since birth, and my survival is not getting any easier. So, I compensate, by keep increasing my spiritual strength and capabilities. Often necessity is the mother of invention. My abilities are so limited to the spiritual area, that I must find a way to contribute something of a lot of value to the world in this area. My astrology system is not just any astrology system, but one that was designed to work better than those of the past.

It is hard to brings new/better spiritual beliefs and techniques to a world that is very resistant to this. I believe this world is not in a very good spiritual state, and am personally reminded of this everyday. I do not go around totally blaming the victims of all the terrible conditions and problems that exist on this Earth, when these serious problems are the result of the inadequate spiritual beliefs/understanding that exists on this Earth. When one is a victim of the messed up spiritual state this world in in in some way, it is up to you to work extremely hard to change the conditions that exist here.

I have to constantly work at getting stronger spiritually so that I can individually challenge the various spiritual/religious beliefs that exist on this planet which have quite a number of believers in them. When one individually challenges a belief that has numerous believers, one will be at a disadvantage, since beliefs with the psychic support of many are at an advantage over beliefs supported by only one person. A pioneer is often in a position where they have to overcome a lot of resistance to their different/new view of the world.

I am protecting myself from the antagonistic spiritual energy I have directed toward me as a result of challenging the spiritual beliefs of others, by maintaining a diet that keeps me hungry to a degree all the time so that I keep my blood sugar low. I feel low blood sugar helps me to meditate even harder and deeper and stay in a tough/difficult and protective spiritual state. When one is dealing with being hungry, properly and within safe limits, one will pick up on a sort of restless/frantic energy that can be very useful to keep one really tough and sharp spiritually. One can put oneself in a really safe spiritual place from which you can safely challenge the inadequate spiritual beliefs that are responsible for the inadequate spiritual state this world is in.

I understand that a lot of people will see me in a negative spiritual light or will be unable to see the value in my spiritual approach, but all I need to do is reach the right people who are ready to handle the added discomfort that comes with gaining more hard spiritual truth and the training and resultant spiritual capabilities that come with it. Great achievements in any area of value, require being trained really well and overcoming an awful lot. The spiritual is just another field one can achieve a lot in provided one is willing to do the well directed hard work required.

5/6/16:  I got a lot of good spiritual insight and improved my spiritual training technique quite a bit when on the diet that kept me quite hungry a lot of the time.  I am no longer battling hunger like I did when this blog post was published. I have since put on some weight and now train even better and harder.  My astrology system got perfected to the point that I no longer feel any need to improve it further.  My strict diet has not changed much other than adding more calories with my 8 small meal every 3 hours around the clock.  I am on a high protein(about 130 grams), high carbohydrate, and low fat diet with oatmeal being my staple food eaten at practically every meal.  I am now connecting more easily with other people which is required for me to bring my more advance spiritual ideas and training techniques to the world.

Here is a link to my very important meditative walking blog post:   https://astrogoodwin.wordpress.com/2016/10/04/meditative-walking-developing-a-stronger-spiritual-connection-with-the-physical/

2 near death experiences in 1992 forced me to improve further on my spiritual beliefs and training techniques

I did hit bottom when I had my 2 near death experiences in 1992. Since then I have worked really hard to improve my spiritual training techniques and spiritual beliefs so that that would never happen again. I never gave up when certain spiritual energies here tried to push me off this planet. I survived because of my “never give up attitude”. I had too many spiritual beliefs at the time that were mythologically based and not rational enough to interface well enough with this physical reality to help me get a strong enough grip on it so that I could handle the intense physical/spiritual challenges that I needed to in order to survive and serve my life’s purpose. I have been driven since what happened to me in 1992, to really focus even more intensely on improving on the spiritual beliefs that so dominate this planet and are responsible for the messed up spiritual state it is in.

I have very high spiritual standards because I am the type of spirit that requires them in order to function the way I need to. I hang on really strongly to my spiritual self awareness, since I can not rely on the spiritual status quo that exist on this planet right now and the type of spiritual energy that it maintains here to sustain me, as it does lots of other spirits, when I am pushed to the very edge to what I can handle. I see things from an extremely unique spiritual perspective because I an an extremely unique spirit that is extremely specialized in my spiritual capabilities. People can not agree with how I represent myself and the world around me, but I will forcefully represent myself and my purpose with all the spiritual strength and awareness that comes with a lifetime of focusing intensely in this area. I will not allow the spiritual beliefs that dominate this planet and most spirits residing here and energies that go with them push me off this Earth and prevent me contributing what I have to offer spiritually to it.

Here is my blog post I did in the past when these 2 near death experiences were fresher to my memory:https://astrogoodwin.wordpress.com/2011/10/06/my-t

  • Thomas Goodwin "astrogoodwin"

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