Why does my survival depend on constantly pushing the edge spiritually

I keep having to explain myself to others! So I decided to do a note on this subject!
I do not have any means to make a living in this world by normal means because I am “differently abled” with limited visual memory(ability to keep track of things), and limited finer motor skills(which make me tire quickly when doing things requiring them to quite a degree)! Most work requires a visual memory good enough to provide one with a visual idea of what one should be doing! Without the right ability to visualize one will feel lost in a lot of environments when it comes to how to normally respond to it! I am good at creatively responding to situations since I have to do this an awful lot! This creativity I use as compensation for my lack of normal visual memory and ability does help me develop new stuff spiritually! I am also really good at dealing with simple structural visuals which is useful when developing spiritual theories! I just do not have a lot of distractions in my mind that having a lot of visual memories to deal with and respond to creates! I just am very complicated in how my body and mind operates, but I am very skilled in the spiritual especially and function best when in a crisis state which is natural when one is so often put in one by circumstances! My body and mind limitations are naturally in harmony with the type of spirit I am! I do find that a lot of people are not capable or willing to understand a spirit as different as mine! That is what motivates me to challenge people who conform to the spiritual beliefs that predominate or in fashion on this planet and are inadequate.
Here is a link to my facebook profile page which has links to my other spiritual stuff on the internet:
  • Thomas Goodwin "astrogoodwin"